Prius Problems
Now Toyota Prius owners are reporting cases of gas pedal problems. But it's hard to tell if this is a mechanical defect or just driving mistakes made by people dumb enough to spend $40,000 on a compact car.



Vaccine Scare Disproven
A 1998 report that linked the measels vaccine to autism has now been totally discredited and retracted by a leading medical journal. Autism scaremonger Jenny McCarthy will now just have to go back to taking off her clothes.




9/11 Trial Problems
The White House still can't find a U.S. city to hold the 9/11 terror trials. Detroit was a leading candidate to host trials, but most of the ruthless killers say they're actually too scared to go there.



Ted's Bison
The Montana state government is giving Ted Turner 88 bison from Yellowstone National Park. Montana made the decision when it learned the bison were the only living beings in the entire state that watch CNN.



Green Spending Cuts
Almost every state in the U.S. is cutting back on environmental programs because they're too expensive. That means fewer tax breaks for solar panels in Florida, fewer recycling pick ups in Texas, and California is forcing Ed Begley Jr. to put himself into a compost heap.





February 3rd


1377: More than 2,000 people of the Italian city of Cesena are slaughtered by Papal Troops. Nobody complains about the Communion wine ever again.


1809: The Illinois Territory is created. Most of the founders are still voting in Illinois elections.


1916: Parliament buildings in Ottawa, Canada burn down. Canadian troops follow proper national protocols and only save the beer.