Healthcare Summit Fear
President Obama is calling for a televised bipartisan summit of healthcare. Republicans are suspicious of a trap, since Obama is the only one allowed to bring his own TelePrompTer.



Murtha Dead
Congressman John Murtha has died at age 77. He is currently trying to work out a better deal in Hell in return for giving Satan his seat on the House Ethics Committee.



African Claim Bogus
It turns out the UN's claims that global warming would cut African crop levels in half by 2020 have no basis in scientific fact. But it is true that there are longer waits for a table at the Ethiopian restaurant around the corner from UN headquarters in Manhattan.



Afghan Push
The Pentagon is preparing a major offensive in Afghanistan. The plan is to hit the Taliban with tanks, mortars, and about 15,000 recalled Toyota Camrys.



Toyota Recall
The latest Toyota recall includes the Lexus hybrid. Now the story is serious because it's affecting rich people.





February 9th


1555: Bishop of Gloucester John Hooper is burned at the stake. This is what happens when you forget to bring the franks to the church barbeque.


1775: British Parliament declares Massachusetts in rebellion... the Obama administration did the same thing when Scott Brown was elected to the Senate last month.


1971: Apollo 14 returns to Earth after the third manned moon landing. But the celebration is cut short when the astronauts realize they left the keys locked in the lunar buggy.