Friday, February 19, 2010

U.S. vs. Europe
The U.S. has a much higher birthrate than Europe, but Europeans live a lot longer than we do. The bottom line: our kids are killing us!

Hot Dog Demand
The American Academy of Pediatrics wants hot dogs to be "redesigned" so they don't cause kids to choke... because every American has the right to eat hot dogs until they die of heart disease.

Hockey Wins!
The U.S. shocked Canada, 5-3, in Olympic hockey last night... and to add insult to injury, all the banged up Canadian players demanded to see U.S. doctors after the game.

Obama's Health Plan
The Obama administration will pitch legislation that would allow the government to block excessive rate hikes by health insurance groups. The voters will pitch legislation to block excessive tax hikes by the Obama administration.

New Survey
A new survey shows that 86% of Americans believe our government is broken. The other 14% work for Senators Ben Nelson and Mary Landrieu.

February 22nd

1495: King Charles VIII of France enters Naples to claim the city's throne... and the rest of his dry cleaning.

1994: Aldrich Ames and his wife are charged with spying for the Soviet Union. They are caught after being seen protesting outside Yaakov Smirnoff's stand up show.

1997: In Roslin, Scotland, scientists announce that an adult sheep named Dolly had been successfully cloned. The price of lamb chops at the local pub falls 50%.


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