Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Brown Wins
Republican Scott Brown has scored a stunning victory in the Massachusetts senate election. This was Ted Kennedy's seat, so in addition to the high salary and great pension, it comes with a liftetime supply of Bourbon and naked interns.

Brown Wins II
Scott Brown's victory in Massachusetts means an end to health care reform efforts... mostly because every Democrat is now in need of very expensive pyschiatric care.

Kids and Media
A new report shows that kids are now spending more than 53 hours per week using electronic media. Kids spend the other 115 hours every week waiting for their parents to get off Facebook.

Obama: Year One
President Obama's approval rating has dropped 17 points since his inauguration. At this rate, the only person Obama will be able to beat in the 2012 election is Martha Coakley.

Haiti to Pittsburgh
53 Haitian orphans have arrived in Pittsburgh. Well, it's a good thing they're used to living in a disaster zone.

Pandit on the Clock
Experts believe CEO Vikram Pandit is running out of time to turn Citigroup around... mostly because it would be nice to actually be running a profitable company when they finish his $15 million office renovation.

January 20th

1523: Christian II is forced to abdicate as King of Denmark and Norway. But he was allowed to remain host of the "Tonight Show."

1841: Hong Kong Island is occupied by the British and the natives are immediately forced to make cheap wallets and toys.

1999: The China News Service announces new government restrictions on Internet use aimed especially at 8-year-old children who should have been spending more time at their factory jobs.


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