Friday, January 08, 2010

Record Florida Cold
It's so cold in Miami today that even the three non-elderly people who live there have body parts that are all shriveled up.

No Stimulus Help
A new report shows that all the stimulus money for road work has not helped cut down the unemployment rate. That's because so many roads are under construction delays that millions of Americans can't get to work.

Carroll Leaving USC
Pete Carroll is leaving USC to become the head coach of the NFL's Seattle Seahawks. Carroll reportedly wanted more money, a change of scenery, and the chance to see what it's like to coach players who can actually read.

Airport Security
Flying at U.S. airports is becoming more of a hassle with security lines sometimes taking more than an hour, and you're still likely to be seated next to a dangerously armed passenger... but enough about the Washington Wizards' team plane.

Goldman Charity
Goldman Sachs is considering requiring executives and top managers to give a certain percentage of their earnings to charity. Americans are all for it, as long as Goldman doesn't donate any more of its former executives to the cabinet.

Leno Back to Late Night
Because of poor ratings, NBC is moving Jay Leno's show back to 11:35pm. CBS is making a similar move; pushing Katie Couric to 2AM.

January 11th

1571: Austrian nobility is granted freedom of religion... just to see if anyone was stupid enough to become Jewish in Europe.

1759: The first American life insurance company is incorporated in Philadelphia. The job of insurance salesman is given to most of the city's criminals.

1935: Amelia Earhart is the first woman to fly solo from Hawaii to California. Today, thousands of women "fly solo" in business class flights every day... if you know what I mean.

1964: The United States Surgeon General publishes a report saying that smoking may be hazardous to health. Everyone who has lit up since then is officially a jackass.

2007: JK Rowling completes the 7th novel in the Harry Potter series, and then resumes printing money.


Post a Comment

<< Home