Wednesday, January 06, 2010

White House Love Child
White House budget director Peter Orszag has admitted to leaving his pregnant girlfried to get engaged to an ABC News reporter. Meanwhile, the rest of the budget office is busy screwing over the rest of America.

GM Name Change
In an attempt to improve its business image, interim GM CEO Ed Whitacre is considering changing the company's name to Chevrolet. But if he really wants to improve things he should change the name to "Honda."

Airlines Coming Back
The major airlines are defying the odds and starting to make money again. Apparently, their biggest new profit source is selling tickets to the thousands of terrorists slipping through U.S. security.

Government Jobs
The good news for America is that that government is set to start a big hiring blitz. The bad news is all the jobs are at the IRS.

Lockheed Job Cuts
Defense contractor Lockheed Martin says it plans to cut 1,200 employees. The company is scrapping projects like missile systems and jet fighters in favor of the equally deadly, but less costly projects like making underwear you can sew bombs into before you get on a plane.

January 7th

1785: Frenchman Jean-Pierre Blanchard and American John Jeffries travel from Dover, England, to Calais, France, in a gas balloon. The next summer, they shared a cottage on Fire Island.

1797: The modern Italian flag is first used... as a tablecloth and later as a strangulation device in a mob killing.

1980: President Jimmy Carter authorizes legislation giving $1.5 billion in loans to bail out the Chrysler Corporation... allowing the company to make crappy cars for another three decades until the next bailout.


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