March Madness
Millions of Americans are filling out their NCAA Basketball Tournament brackets in hopes of choosing the one school that will beat the odds... and actually have players who go to class.

Bush Aide Pinched
Former Bush administration adviser Claude Allen has been arrested for fraudulently taking refunds for items at Target that he never actually bought. While working in the White House, Allen crafted the Bush policy known as "no receipt left behind."

Bush Aide Pinched II
Former Bush administration advisor Claude Allen has been arrested for fraudulently taking refunds for items at Target that he never actually bought. The White House is embarrassed and outraged; its staffers are supposed to cheat the customers, not the stores!

Bonds Homer
Barry Bonds hit his first home run in spring training in a game earlier today. It's truly shocking since most pharmacies are closed on Sundays.

Recruiting Rejects
Despite severe shortages, the U.S. Army is still rejecting several recruits for being too obese or unintelligent... those men and women are sent directly to work on Capitol Hill.