President's Day
This is Presidents Day. It's the national holiday when we remember that it's been more than 200 years since we had a president who didn't always lie.

Israel Holds Funds
To protest the Hamas election victory, Israel has decided to withhold about $50 million in tax money from the Palestinians. Well, there goes all the funding for the kindergarten Headstart suicide bombing program they wanted.

Top 5 Things Hamas Would Have Done with that $50 Million

5) Buy $50 million worth of Danish flags to burn

4) Make an offer on any of Iran's leftover plutonium

3) Train the first Palestinian suicide bobsled team in time for the next Winter Olympics

2) Hire Jack Abramoff as their Washington lobbyist

1) What are you kidding? Invest in oil!

NBA All-Star Game
The NBA All-Star Game was played Sunday night. Usually to see that many felons running around you have to watch C-Span.

Bonds Final Year
Barry Bonds says the 2006 season will be his last... not because of injuries or fatigue; it's just that this October is the expiration date on all his bottles of steroids.

Powerball Winner
The lone winning ticket in the $365 million Powerball lottery was sold in Nebraska. It'll be several days before anyone steps forward to claim the prize, because it takes a while to get to the state lottery offices when you're driving a tractor.