Strike Judgment
A judge in New York State has issued an injunction prohibiting subway workers from striking on Friday. But if they don't show up to work, how will anyone tell the difference?

Top 5 Things Overheard at the Iraqi Polls

5) "I'm having trouble choosing between the candidate who says he'll destroy the Jews and the one who says he'll just destroy Israel"

4) "I'm not sure who's worse, the insurgents, or those stupid exit pollsters"

3) "Which candidate is the one in favor of running water?"

2) "If I had a job to get to, this whole voting process would be really tedious"

1) "Don't blame me, I voted for Mohammed"

Ford's Gay Ads
Ford Motor Co. says it will resume advertising in gay magazines after deciding earlier this month to pull the ads. Gay groups were set to protest the decision by boycotting the company, but it turned out no gay people have ever bought a Ford in the first place.

Secret Messages
It was revealed that the Pentagon has a $300 million psychological warfare operation that places pro-American messages in foreign media outlets. Man those "Baywatch" re-runs are expensive!

Iran Rebuked
After calling the Holocaust a "myth" and saying the Jews should be driven out of the Middle East, Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is being castigated by Europe's political leaders. They just hate it when somebody steals their lines.

Top 5 Movie Titles for the Southern James Bond

5) The Man With the Golden Tooth

4) On Her Majesty's Secret Mobile Home

3) The Fly who Stung Me

2) From Jesus with Love

1) El Camino Royale