Chief Choice
Just two days after the death of Chief Justice William Rehnquist, President Bush has made John Roberts his choice to be the next Chief Justice. Experts say if Roberts were black or a hurricane victim, Bush would have waited at least another two weeks to make that decision.

Chief Choice II
Responding to the death of Chief Justice William Rehnquist, President Bush has now made John Roberts his choice to be the next Chief Justice. Bush has also delighted conservatives by nominating liberal Stephen Breyer as his choice to be the next Supreme Court justice to die.

Top 5 Signs CNN and Fox News Channel are Getting Exhausted by the Katrina Story

5) During live shots, Wolf Blitzer demands that all the CNN correspondents drink the floodwaters "to see if it kills them."

4) Bill O'Reilly is only sexually harassing female co-workers who don't have relatives in New Orleans

3) Sean Hannity keeps forgetting to blame the hurricane on Hillary Clinton

2) Larry King showed up to do his show last night in wet suit and flippers

1) Shepard Smith and Geraldo Rivera now planning to get married when this is all over

Anti-Biden Ad
A new Right Wing TV ad shows that Senator Joe Biden showed special favoritism to Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg when she was a nominee to the Supreme Court, even as he is leading the charge against John Roberts today. But Biden insists he didn't help Ginsberg because she's a liberal; he says he did it because she's a hot chick.

French Quarter Spared
It appears New Orleans' famed French Quarter was not seriously damaged by Hurricane Katrina, which is good news for the restaurant industry and the guys who make those "Girls Gone Wild at Mardi Gras" videos.

Cuba's Offer
Even Cuba's Fidel Castro has offered a fleet of boats to help in the Hurricane Katrina recovery effort. The White House turned that down, but the Bush administration says it will seek Castro's help as it plots ways to crush all dissent after this debacle.

Cuba's Offer II
Cuba's Fidel Castro has offered a fleet of boats to help in the Hurricane Katrina recovery effort... and an amazing 90% of the citizens of Cuba are already waiting on the docks offering to man those boats and head for America right away!

Jobs Report
The most recent employment report was much less robust than expected. But President Bush says this is all part of his plan to help Americans deal with higher gas prices by eliminating the jobs they've been driving to in the first place!

Gas Prices
President Bush is refusing to do anything to stem rising gas prices across the country. The President insists this has nothing to do with favoritism to the oil companies; he just wants to do his part to fight obesity by forcing more Americans to walk to work every day.