U.S. Airways Volunteers
U.S. Airways is putting a call out for people willing to work for free this New Year's weekend. Of course there already is a place where thousands of Americans have volunteered for a hopeless enterprise -- it's called Iraq.

Top 5 Reasons to Work for U.S. Airways for Free this Weekend

5) What the Hell? It's not like there's a need for volunteers to save victims of a Tsunami or anything

4) Actually less-stressful and more rewarding than being paid to work the returns counter at Wal-Mart

3) If you're lucky, they'll let you "pat down" all the hot female passengers

2) At least this job won't eventually be outsourced to India

1) Stealing luggage is fun!

Steinbeck Library
The library in literary great John Steinbeck's hometown is shutting down. But closing a library in Steinbeck's birthplace isn't as ridiculous as the fact that they're trying to open a library in President Bush's hometown.

Minnelli Cancels
After injuring herself in a fall, Liza Minnelli has been forced to cancel a special New Year's Eve show at a Miami club. But everyone who bought tickets is still coming to the club, because while not having Liza means no entertainment, at least now there will be enough alcohol to go around.

Sontag Dead
Susan Sontag, the writer and outspoken critic of America, died yesterday at age 71. Her death means that the American woman who brings the most shame to her country now is Britney Spears.

Bartender Fired
A federal appeals court has upheld a Reno casino's decision to fire a female bartender for not wearing makeup. The court's decision cited the well-known fact that hopeless alcoholics and gambling addicts have very high standards when it comes to personal appearance.

Canadian Drugs Blocked
Canada's Health Minister is threatening to block the sale of prescription drugs to the U.S. from Canadian web sites. Americans say the decision will be okay with them, as long as Canada also promised to stop the importation of any additional Anne Murray CD's.