Senate Debate
The U.S. Senate will start 30-hours of uninterrupted debate in a special session beginning tonight. Republicans will use the time to bash Democrats for not confirming four of President Bush's judicial nominees. Democrats say they're more than willing to let them whine about four guys not getting a job as long as they can take the next 12 months to complain about the 3 million other jobs the Bush administration has lost since 2001.


Senate Debate II
-Top activities that will dominate the 30-hour session:

-Special debate, "Interns vs. Lobbyists: Who Sucks Up More?"

-Complete reading of Strom Thurmond's last essay: "How to Pick up Girls over 80"

-Senate chamber scavenger hunt for all of Ted Kennedy's hidden booze

-Strategy session on how to blame the whole Iraq debacle on that idiot Cubs fan who tipped the foul ball

-"Singing Senators" perform Rolling Stones' Let it Bleed, (side 1)


Senate Debate III
Because of the length of the debate, staffers are preparing to set up cots in the Senate chamber. But that probably won't be necessary, because most Capitol Hill hookers are willing to service the Senators right at their desks.


Bush UK Visit
President Bush's planned visit to Britain next week is stirring up controversy. Iraq war protestors are calling him "the most unwelcome guest this country has ever received." But experts say those comments are outrageous because everyone knows the most unwelcome guest in England is the dentist.