Monday, July 10, 2006

Congressional Searches Okay
The U.S. Supreme Court has upheld the FBI's right to search Congressional offices. This means members of Congress will now have to start obeying the law, or opening more offshore accounts... whichever's easier.

Building Explosion on the Upper East Side of Manhattan

Reports now say the explosion could have been the result of a suicide attempt by the building's owner... which is ridiculous because everyone knows New York City landlords are incapable of showing any remorse.

CNN's Larry King was one of the first journalists on the scene of the massive gas explosion... well, that's not a surprise.

King says the explosion was the "loudest, most frightening thing he's ever heard." So, it's a good thing he was wearing his adult diapers.

The White House has already made a statement assuring everyone that the explosion has nothing to do with terrorism. So, President Bush's poll numbers must be up.

Italy Reaction
Italians continue to celebrate wildly after their country's victory in the World Cup. And that's a good thing, because Italians usually have so much trouble expressing their emotions.

Soap Suicide
Benjamin Hendrickson, an Emmy Award-winning actor on "As the World Turns", committed suicide this week with a gunshot to the head. Hendrickson's family will never see him again, unless they bring him back for sweeps.

June Allyson Dies
Actress June Allyson, who became the spokeswoman for "Depends", has died. This means the world's loudest advocates for adult diapers are now British soccer fans.

Einstein's Affairs
Newly-released letter show that Albert Einstein had affairs with six women while he was married. That makes sense, only a genius could have had that much fun and still get away with it.


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