Thursday, April 20, 2006

NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Here's the link: Newsday

Hu's Here
Chinese President Hu Jintao is meeting with President Bush today. The two men have a lot in common, like the fact that most Americans can't understand a word either of them says.

Hu's Here II
As Chinese President Hu Jintao meets with President Bush today, illegal piracy is expected to be the top issue of discussion. Hu is demanding that Mr. Bush stop copying the patented Chinese form of totalitarian government.

Hu's Here III
An angry protester interrupted the welcoming ceremonies for Hu Jintao at the White House with loud complaints about Chinese exploitation and evil. She's been identified as a worker at the "Hello Kitty" factory.

Top 5 Things the Chinese Heckler Shouted at Bush and Hu Jintao

5) "$3 for a gallon of gas? That's more than I make in a year!"

4) "The next time Rove gets Beef and Broccoli delivered, tell him to tip me!"

3) "Make another film like 'Failure to Launch' and you won't have to worry about anymore movie piracy!"

2) "I bought Nationals season tickets and they suck already!"

1) "Dammit, I came here to see Tom and Katie's baby!"

Iraqi Breakthrough?
In what could be a political breakthrough in Iraq, Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari said today that he's willing to step down. But all of Iraq's problems won't be solved until President Bush steps down.

Lost Cash
A German man accidentally flushed thousands of dollars down the toilet this week. Of course, Americans do the same thing every time we file our taxes.

No Connection
Shoe bomber Richard Reid told a terror trial jury Thursday that he and 9/11 conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui never worked together on a terrorist plot. They did, however, use the same personal stylist.


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