Monday, July 04, 2011

Tax Revolt
Amazon is refusing to collect the new sales tax on the Internet in California. The company plans to win political sympathy in that state by classifying all its goods as medicinal marijuana.

Minnesota Shutdown
Minnesota's government is still shut down because of what insiders are calling the "mother of all tax fights." Usually, when the entire state of Minnesota shuts down they just call it "winter."

DSK Case Drop?
Prosecutors are about to drop all sexual assault charges against former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn... but he's still stuck with that $200 cleaning bill for what he did to the hotel sheets.

Treasure Find
A massive trove of jewels, coins and statues worth up to $22 billion has just been found in Southern India. The Obama administration is in emergency session to try to find a way to tax it.

Clemens Trial
The Roger Clemens steroids trial begins tomorrow... so Clemens is just about to warm up by lying to everyone in the bullpen.

July 5th

1775: The United States Congress adopts the Olive Branch Petition... which unfortunately does not come attached with a Martini.

1948: Britain establishes its National Health Service... which means the first patients in line on this day in 1948 should be finally able tosee their doctor any minute now.

1950: The Israeli parliament passes the Law of Return which grants all Jews the right to immigrate to Israel... and then complain about it.


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