New Poll
A new Gallup Poll shows that 80% of Americans believe it's important to keep the Bush tax cuts. The other 20% are too busy being groped at the airport to respond.




Oracle Wins Suit
A jury has ordered SAP to pay Oracle $1.3 billion for software piracy. SAP plans to avoid being punished by pretending it's a Chinese company.



Not Natalee
Investigators say a jawbone found in Aruba does not belong to Natalee Holloway. The only visible jawbone on the Aruba still belongs to Nancy Grace.



Rose Suit
Axl Rose is suing "Guitar Hero" maker Activision for $20 million... mostly because it's really hard to get above level 3 when you're drunk and stoned.



Problem Banks
The number of troubled banks rose to 860 in the July-September quarter from 829 in the previous quarter. That's the most since 1993, when banks all over America started losing their bolted-down pens.




November 24th


1835: The Texas Provincial Government authorizes the creation of a horse-mounted police force called the Texas Rangers… the horse-raping police force is called the Dallas Cowboys.


1932: The FBI Scientific Sample Crime Detection Laboratory, also known as the “Spermatoria,” officially opens.


1935: The Senegalese Socialist Party holds its second congress… the first one failed when everyone started eating each other.