Invisible Ink
New revelations show the British Army used semen as invisible ink during World War I. It worked well until they realized all the messages' pages were sticking together.



Hilton Banned
Paris Hilton has been barred from entering Japan because of her drug charges. As a result, 50 million Americans have just applied for Japanese citizenship.



Summers Leaving
White House economic adviser Larry Summers is leaving the administration to go back to Havard. Summers learned that he had to return to the school within 2 years to keep his pension, even though the self-important snobbery of being on the Harvard faculty never expires.


Emanuel on the Way
White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel is also expected to leave the administration to run for Mayor of Chicago… because being on the Obama team just isn’t corrupt enough for him.



Bell Receivership
The LA Board of Supervisors is seeking to take over the town of Bell and put it in the hands of a court-appointed receiver… but the only receiver in court right now is Braylon Edwards.



September 22nd

66: Emperor Nero creates the Legion I Italica… a military unit made up entirely of soldiers stooped over to look like italics.


1692: Last people hanged for witchcraft in the United States. Today we just send them to Marilyn Manson concerts.


1975: Sara Jane Moore tries to assassinate President Gerald Ford, but she can’t get a clean shot off as Ford keeps slipping and falling down.