Gay Marriage Ban Lifting
California will allow gay marriages beginning this Wednesday. No word yet on when it will start allowing heterosexual marriages.




D.C. Storm
A fast-moving rain storm has shut down much of Washington, D.C... oh no wait, Washington is actually shut down because Congress is on another vacation.



Border Bill
President Obama will sign a bill approving $600 million for border security. Although, with Obama in the White House it's not clear if he's securing the border from people coming out or rushing out.




Professor Suit
A New York college professor says he was passed over for promotions for being heterosexual and then was fired for complaining. Of course his story is ridiculous... there are no heterosexual professors anymore!



Stimulus Debate
A new survey of economists shows that 60% of them are against any new government stimulus. The other 40% want more government spending or they'll curse out the whole country and then slide down the escape chute.





August 13th


1516: The Treaty of Noyon between France and Spain is signed. Francis recognizes Charles's claim to Naples, and Charles recognizes Francis's claim to the last beer in the fridge.


1831: Nat Turner sees a solar eclipse, which he believes is a sign from God. Eight days later he and 70 other slaves kill approximately 55 whites in Southampton County, Virginia. Since then, white people get real nervous every time they meet a black astronomer.


1968: Alexandros Panagoulis attempts to assassinate the Greek dictator Colonel G. Papadopoulos but gives up when he realizes his successor will have a last name that is equally impossible.