Buffett Blames Bush
Jimmy Buffett is blaming the BP oil spill on President Bush. That's only fair since President Bush is blaming his 20 years of alcoholism on Jimmy Buffett.



Gilbert vs. LeBron
Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert is lashing out at LeBron James for leaving the city... mostly for not taking him with him.



Decision Location
LeBron made his decision at a Boys and Girls Club in Connecticut... mostly so that they kids could start sewing his new Miami Heat jerseys and get a jump on those kids in China.



Rahm's Statement
Rahm Emanuel says big business leaders should be thanking President Obama... apparently because the White House has been using Vaseline.



Gay Marriage Ruling
A federal judge in Boston, has ruled that the federal ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional, because it interferes with a state's right to define marriage, and his side catering business is really hurting this summer.




July 9th


1540: Henry VIII of England annuls his marriage to his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves. He spends the next five years trying to date Anne of Cleavage.

1793: Canada bans slavery, mostly because black people don't like hockey.

1986: The New Zealand Parliament passes the Homosexual Law Reform Act legalising homosexuality in New Zealand. Heterosexuality remains illegal in that country.