Blown Call
Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga lost his perfect game last night because of a blown call by umpire Jim Joyce. Finally, something to take the heat off BP!



Mercury Falling
Ford is discontinuing it's 71-year-old Mercury brand... mostly because Ford couldn't find anyone to buy a Mercury who wasn't at least 71 years old.



Carlisle Book
In her new book, singer Belinda Carlisle apologizes for hiding her cocaine addiction from her husband and son... which means that the only people who didn't know about her cocaine addiction were her husband and son.



CEO Admission
BP's CEO now admits he was totally unprepared for the oil rig disaster... which is why he is now completely qualified for a job in the Obama administration.



Paul Hates Bush
While performing at the White House last night, Paul McCartney praised President Obama and bashed former President Bush. It was all part of McCartney's deseperate lobbying for a tax break on bad plastic surgery.





June 3rd


1140: French scholar Peter Abelard is found guilty of heresy for drinking red wine with fish.


1937: The Duke of Windsor marries Wallis Simpson. For the Duke, it was the next best thing to marrying a man.


1989: The government of China sends troops to force protesters out of Tiananmen Square... and get them back to the cheap toy factory where they belonged.