New Spirt Charges
The bad news is Spirit Airlines is now charging passengers $45 each way for each carry-on bag they place in the overhead bin. The good news is that Spirit Airlines is now offering $45 tickets to passengers willing to ride in the overhead bin.



Housewives Suit
Actress Nicolette Sheridan is suing the creators of "Desperate Housewives" for writing her out of the show. How she can possibly sue them before she sues her plastic surgeons is a mystery.



Atlantic City Collapse
The bad news is that several Atlantic City casinos are in danger of closing forever. The good news is the Jersey mob will have lots more places to hide dead bodies.



California Pension Emergency
A new report shows that the pension funds for California government workers are underfunded by more than $500 billion. Luckily, no one in California government can actually be identified as a "worker."



Jim and Jenny Split
Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are breaking up. Carrey is blaming his tough work schedule for the split... McCarthy is blaming vaccinations.






April 7th


1829: Joseph Smith commences translation of the Book of Mormon, into English from its original mountaineer jibberish.


1978: Development of the neutron bomb is canceled by President Jimmy Carter because the bomb was not quite depressing enough.


2003: U.S. troops capture Baghdad, ending the regime of Saddam Hussein. 7 years later, the news has yet to reach Hollywood, California.