New Crate and Barrel
Crate and Barrel has just opened its first store in Abu Dhabi. This is great news for all Arab women who want to register for their honor killings.



Surge for Toyota
Toyota's U.S. sales were up 40% last month... mostly thanks to trial lawyers who were buying up evidence.



Newark No Murders
The city of Newark, New Jersey just finished its first murder-free month in 44 years. The economy is so bad, even the killers are out of work.



iPad Raves
The iPad is getting across-the-board rave reviews from techies. They're gushing about the new features, graphics, and there's even a rumor that it might get some of them a date with a real girl.



Government Layoffs
A new report says the government actually laid off more workers than the private sector last month. The only trouble is, no one can tell the difference between a laid off government worker and one that's supposedly still on the job.



Dimon vs. Obama
JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon is complaining that President Obama is demonizing the bankers. Dimon is so mad, that he's planning on not including a lollipop the next time he sends Obama a $500,000 campaign donation.





April 1st


1949: The Canadian government stops interning Japanese-Canadians because of civil rights concerns and after learning that some Japanese make decent speed skaters.


1976: Apple Computer is formed by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. 1,500 geeks immediatley line up around the corner from their house in hopes of being the first to buy something.


2002: The Netherlands legalizes euthanasia, in a tacit admission that nothing is worse than having to live in the Netherlands.