Monday, April 05, 2010

New Nuke Strategy
President Obama has unveiled a new nuclear weapons strategy. From now on, the U.S. will not launch a first strike until experts can determine how it would affect global warming.

Alba Announcement
Jessica Alba has announced that she plans to adopt a child. As a result, 17 million 13-year-old boys have just run away from home and jammed most of America's orphanages.

Bad Priest in India
A Catholic priest accused of multiple incidents of sex abuse in the U.S. is still working for the Church in India. Wow, the economy is so bad here we're even outsourcing our molesters.

L.A. Going Broke
The city of Los Angeles says it's four weeks away from not being able to pay its bills. It's getting so bad, the city council is parking the Hollywood sign at a friend's house to hide it from the repo man.

Responsible Government?
Congressman Jason Chaffetz wants federal employees who don't pay their taxes to be fired. Of course, Chaffetz is missing the point of why most people decide to work for the government.

April 6th

46 BC: Julius Caesar defeats Caecilius Metellus Scipio and Marcus Porcius Cato in the battle of Thapsus... stunning the Vegas experts who had Caesar as a 13 1/2 point underdog.

1199: King Richard I of England dies from an infection following the removal of an arrow from his shoulder. Instead of going after the person who shot the arrow, lawyers for the King's estate naturally sue the guy who took it out.

1973: The American League begins using the Designated Hitter. This, on the same day that Elton John officially becomes a switch hitter.


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