Al Zawahiri No Show
It turns out the U.S. air strike targeting al Qaeda chieftain Aymin al Zawahiri failed because he didn't show up to a special Islamic feast that was prepared for him at a Pakistani hideout. It's not clear what the CIA is more upset about, missing al Zawahiri, or going to all that trouble to make a nice dinner.

Senators for Sanctions
Several U.S. Senators say the possibility of higher oil prices shouldn't stop the world from imposing sanctions against Iran. But all of the Senators would halt the sanction discussion if they had to pay higher oil prices.

CNN Banned in Iran
Iran's government banned CNN journalists from working in the country Monday after the network misquoted Iran's president. Actually, the real reason for the ban is that Iranians think Anderson Cooper actually sucks worse than Aaron Brown.

Money Train Gone
The "Money train," the secret train the traveled New York City's subway lines each night collecting cash from station booths, was taken out of service this weekend. From now on, all the cash will be taken from each station booth and delivered directly to the Transit Union's executive board.

Cronkite's Cause
Former CBS News anchor Walter Cronkite says that if he were still on TV, he would say the war in Iraq is unwinnable and our troops should come home. But the only way he'd be on TV is if he were doing an infomercial for denture cream.

Cronkite's Cause II
Former CBS News anchor Walter Cronkite says that if he were still on TV, he would say the war in Iraq is unwinnable and our troops should come home... and then a bunch of right wing bloggers would prove that his opinion was a forgery.

Meth-Fighting Law
In order to stop methamphetamine production, Illinois is now requiring residents to show ID before purchasing a popular decongestant used to make the illegal drug. But if you don't have ID, you can just hock a loogie on the pharmacist.

Saddam Judge Wants to Quit
The presiding judge in the war crimes trial of Saddam Hussein has asked to resign. He says that if he wanted to spend his whole day arguing with dictatorial jerks, he could stay home with his wife.

American Worries
A new poll shows that Americans are less concerned about the economy and are now more worried the war in Iraq. And of course, the war has absolutely nothing to do with the economy!

Jury Duty Mistake
A 2 year-old Massachusetts girl received a jury summons this week. It was a terrible mistake; naive 2 year-olds are only eligible to serve on juries in California.