Bush on Wire Taps
President Bush now says he authorized domestic wiretaps without a warrant in order to save American lives as fast as possible. Obviously, he didn't tap anybody's phones in New Orleans.

Afghan Parliament
Afghanistan has inaugurated its first elected parliament in 30 years. Of course, the U.S. congress hasn't done any work in 30 years either.

TV Switch
House lawmakers have approved a bill calling for the complete transition to all-digital television broadcasts by 2009 and $1.5 billion in funding to help consumers with older TV's make the switch. This is truly the kind of democracy our boys in Iraq are fighting for.

Iran Bans Music
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has banned Western music including George Michael and Kenny G CD's from Iran's radio and TV stations. Suddenly, he doesn't seem so bad.

Roswell Death
Army Lt. Walter Haut, who issued the news release in 1947 that said a flying saucer landed in Roswell, New Mexico, has died at age 83. Now if people want to read the work of bogus reporters they'll just have to buy the New York Times.

ABC Case
An employment tribunal has ruled that ABC News unfairly dismissed one of its free-lance correspondents because he refused to go to Iraq. ABC insisted it needed part-time reporters to go to Baghdad because all their full-time journalists were too covering Martha Stewart, Jessica Simpson and the runaway bride.