Barbie's Boss
The president of Mattel's Barbie doll division has been fired, but he was also given a $7 million severance package. Mattel says it had to be generous with him because during his time on the job he became addicted six-foot-tall women with huge breasts.

New Drug
Researchers have come up with a new drug that can curb cravings for alcohol, but it works much better for men than it does for women. That's because geeky drug researchers realize that drunk women are the only women who'll talk to them.