Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Iraq Gas
Gas prices in Iraq are up a whopping 1,300% since the summer. It's getting so bad, all the suicide bombers are car-pooling to their attacks.

Gaza Strike
Israel launched a series of missile strikes into the Gaza Strip this week. Experts say Palestinians can expect this kind of bombardment as long as Ariel Sharon is on his diet.

Toronto Shooting
After a shooting at a Toronto shopping center, Canadian politicians are blaming the U.S. for "exporting gun violence to Canada." That may be true, but it's the only thing we can import into Canada without paying a big tariff.

Top 5 New York City Transit Worker Concessions in the New MTA Deal

5) Token booth clerks will now only nap at their posts for 3 hours per shift

4) Subway conductors will now make unintelligible announcements in English and Spanish

3) Bus drivers will try to hit top speeds of 12 MPH on weekdays

2) Workers will begin contributing to their health care costs while continuing to add to commuters health care needs

1) Subway cleaners will now use actual mops, brooms, and cleanser

Katrina Scammers
49 scammers have been indicted in a scam to pocket up to $400,000 of Hurricane Katrina Red Cross relief funds. The only people who tried to take more advantage of the storm were the Democrats.

Cell Phone Swallow
A Missouri man has been charged with forcing a cell phone down his ex-girlfriend's throat during an argument. The man may serve jail time, but after he gets out he can expect several job offers from all the major U.S. ad agencies.


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