Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Iced on Long Island
Voters on Long Island have resoundingly rejected a plan to use public money to rebuild the arena for the NHL's New York Islanders. Local residents also rejected a
plan to rebuild most of the hockey players' teeth.

Ground Zero Strike
Unionized cement workers walked off the job at Ground Zero yesterday. They're demanding more pay, better health care, and for the terrorists to destroy more buildings so they can get more work.

Apple Change
The new Apple iPhone5 is now expected to come out in October, not September. So that gives our nation's geeks one more month of not having a life until they start camping out in front of the Apple Store.

Giffords Returns
Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords triumphantly returned to the House floor yesterday. It was a moment filled with emotion, as hundreds of her colleagues rushed to be the first to tell her what happened to Anthony Weiner.

Bachelotette Choice
Bachelorette Ashley Hebert chose J.P. Rosenbaum as her true love in the season finale last night. Now comes the hard part: deciding which side to blame for this debt deal.

August 2nd

1377: Russian troops are defeated in the Battle on Pyana River because of drunkenness… imagine how badly they would have lost if they had been sober!

1610: Henry Hudson sails into what it is now known as Hudson Bay thinking he had made it through the Northwest Passage and reached the Pacific Ocean. In fact, he had done something much more miraculous; survived getting through the Bronx.

1937: The Marijuana Tax Act of 1937 is passed in America, rendering marijuana illegal but also creating an entire career for Cheech and Chong.


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