Monday, December 07, 2009

Tiger House Incident
A woman described only as a "blonde" has been taken from Tiger Woods' home and rushed to the hospital this morning. I think it's safe to say the Avon lady might not want to show up at that house today.

Tiger's Troubles
Tiger Woods' troubles continue to mount as more women are coming forward to say they had affairs with the golfer. They include a porn star, another cocktail waitress... and potentially most damaging... a woman who has a Nike swoosh tattooed to her ass.

Chinese Students
More and more Chinese college students flocking to U.S. campuses. It's a great cultural exchange opportunity, as the Chinese kids learn about America and the American kids get to meet the people who will one day take their job.

Jersey Gay Marriage
The good news for gays and lesbians in New Jersey is that a state senate panel has approved same-sex marriage. The bad news is all the marriage arrangements will have to be made at the DMV.

Transit Shortfall
The New York City subway and bus system says it's revenues are going to fall $200 million short of projections. Riders say they would spend more on the transit system, but then there wouldn't be anything left for the muggers.

December 8th

1854: Pope Pius IX proclaims the dogma of Immaculate Conception, which holds that the Virgin Mary was born free of original sin... which was a real bummer for Mary's dad, who never got much action anyway.

1886: The American Federation of Labor is founded in Columbus, Ohio. The organizing vote takes 16 hours, because the members keep insisting on taking several 15 minute coffee breaks.

1991: The leaders of Russia, Belarus and Ukraine sign an agreement dissolving the Soviet Union and establishing the Commonwealth of Independent Scumbags.

1993: The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) is signed into law by President Bill Clinton. Clinton is now led to believe that he can get a discount on all his favorite Mexican hookers.


Post a Comment

<< Home