Friday, November 27, 2009

Lost Data
Scientists at the University of East Anglia have admitted throwing away much of the raw temperature data on which their predictions of global warming are based... outraging millions of environmentalists demanding to know why they didn't recycle.

Gate Crashers Latest
The public is still up in arms over the phony couple that managed to sneak into the White House... but enough about Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

Tiger's Crash
According to a police report, Tiger Woods pulled out of his driveway about 2:25 a.m. Friday, struck a fire hydrant and then a tree. Then he took a two collision penalty and finished the round four crashes over par.

Woods is refusing to talk to police about the crash... not because he committed a crime, but because after his wife confronted him about his alleged affair, Tiger's voice is still a bit too high to talk to anyone right now.

The 911 call from Woods' neighbor has been released, but it only brings up more questions like: Why did Tiger speed away from him house? Why didn't police get their sooner? and Why is Woods living next door to Larry the Cable Guy?

Shame Game
Today the White House will name banks that have not modified enough mortgage loans in hopes of shaming them into helping more homeowners. Experts say this ploy will not work because the economy is getting worse, jobs are scarce, and the banks have no shame.

Booze Cruise
Celebrity Cruise lines is now offering unlimited beer, wine and whiskey on some cruises. This is being done in the hopes that more travelers will fall overboard and Celebrity will be able to double-book their cabins.

November 30th

1783: A 5.3 magnitude earthquake strikes New Jersey... New Jersey actually looks better after the quake.

1993: U.S. President Bill Clinton signs the Brady anti-handgun bill into law. What Mrs. Brady had to do to get Clinton's signature is not disclosed.

1999: Massive protests against corporations and globalism erupt just before the WTO meetings in Seattle, Washington. But the protesters lose a great deal of street cred when it's revealed they all took regular rioting breaks at Starbucks.


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