Monday, November 23, 2009

Obama and Singh
President Obama will answer questions about the economy at a news conference today with Indian Prime Minister Singh. Singh won't be answering any questions himself, he's just there as tech support for Obama's teleprompter.

Afghan Decision
President Obama says he will finally make his decision on U.S. troops in Afghanistan within the next few days... he's just waiting for the Pentagon to build a bomb that delivers Miranda rights along with explosives.

Milk Scandal
Two people were executed in China today for their part in a tainted milk scandal that killed six infants. An hour later, two waiters were shot to death at Le Cirque for serving supposedly skim Lattes with 2%.

Playboy Deal
Playboy is outsourcing most of its operations to a Florida's American Media International. This after outsouring all of its centerfolds to airbrushers and plastic surgeons.

Not in a Coma
Doctors in Britain have discovered that a paralyzed man was actually fully awake for the last 23 Years, and not in vegetative state as everyone believed. Caring for a man who appears to be in a coma is exactly what it's like to work for Senator Robert Byrd.

November 24th

1859: Charles Darwin publishes On the Origin of Species... mostly as a goof on his mother-in-law who looked a lot like a chimpanzee.

1898: The International Conference for the Social Defense Against Anarchists opens in Rome... but no one remembers to put up and signs and it decays into total chaos.

1963: Lee Harvey Oswald is fatally shot by Jack Ruby in the basement of Dallas police department headquarters. The shooting is broadcast live on television and sponsored by Brill Cream.


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