Friday, December 18, 2009

Health Reform Deals
In return for their votes for health reform, several Democrat Senators are getting taxpayer funding for their states. Ben Nelson is getting free Medicaid for Nebraska, Mary Landrieu is getting construction projects for Louisiana, and everyone else is getting Tiger Woods' little black book.

Tanning Tax
The latest version of the Democrats' health reform bill calls for major taxes on indoor tanning customers. Congress is also planning on taxing people who pay for outdoor tanning until they figure out it's free.

Shopping Freeze
The heavy snow in the Northeast this weekend hurt holiday sales at the malls during the final days before Christmas. But for shoppers who like to beat each other up in stores, they were still plenty of altercations over snowblowers and spreading salt in hardware stores everywhere.

Macy's Evacuation
Macy's New York flagship store was evacuated yesterday after a small fire started under an escalator. Firefighters were hindered in their efforts as they were mercessily sprayed with perfume and cologne by dozens of Macy's salespeople as they rushed into the store.

No Climate Deal
After two weeks of talk and lots of hype, the UN Climate Conference in Copenhagen failed to produce a binding agreement... which is ironic, because most of the UN delegates at the conference are into bondage.

December 21st

1937: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the first full-length animated film ever, premieres at the Carthay Circle Theater. The porn version playing next door draws a bigger audience.

1969: The Gay Activists Alliance, also known as the Mets, is formed in New York City.

1995: The city of Bethlehem passes from Israeli to Palestinian control. Mysteriously, all the Christians there start to disappear.


Post a Comment

<< Home