Friday, December 11, 2009

Fat Cat Meeting
A day after calling them "fat cats" on 60 Minutes, President Obama hosts a meeting with top bank CEO's at the White House today. Just to show there's no hard feelings, the menu at the conference will be salad, soup, and Fancy Feast.

Medicare Plan
Senate Democrats are hoping to pass health care reform by allowing Americans as young as 55 years old to enroll in Medicare. To pay for it, Americans as young as 10 years old will need to enlist in the army to fight off our Chinese creditors.

Citi Pay Back
Citigroup has just announced a deal to repay $20 billion of U.S. government aid. Actually, it only has to pay back $10 billion in return for allowing President Obama to keep bashing them every six weeks on 60 Minutes.

Berlusconi Hit
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is recovering in the hospital after a deranged man slugged him in the mouth. Berlusconi's injuries are considered to be serious since he's only sexually assaulted three nurses in the last hour.

Busy FedEx Day
Today is the busiest shipping day of the year for FedEx as millions of Americans ship gifts to their loved ones and most of Tiger Woods' sponsors are sending him cancellation notices.

December 14th

1903: The Wright Brothers make their first attempt to fly at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina... but they are foiled by an incredibly long line at airport security.

1939: The Soviet Union is expelled from the League of Nations for invading Finland... and never replacing the toilet paper in the League restroom.

1947: NASCAR is founded in Daytona Beach, Florida. The organizers immediately remove their shirts and get tattoos.


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