Sunday, December 18, 2005

King Kong Bomb?
"King Kong" was #1 at the box office this weekend, but its overall take was much less than expected. That's because when fans heard it was a film about an overgrown ape terrorizing New York City, they just figured it was another Russell Crowe movie.

Secret Snooping
Senate leaders are up in arms over news that the President authorized the National Security Administration to tap the phones of American citizens to boost anti-terror intelligence. But hey, anything Bush does to boost his intelligence is something we should really encourage.

Top 5 Suspicious Things that will Make the NSA Tap Your Phone

5) Subversive acts, like using your phone to ask where the Hell FEMA is already!

4) Telling your broker to sell Halliburton short

3) Calling friends overseas and saying frightening things like: "The new Lindsay Lohan album is really great!"

2) Using moviefone to buy tickets for "Brokeback Mountain"

1) Ordering take-out falafel more than 3 times a month

Bush on Elections
President Bush says the Iraqis who voted in this week's election show great optimism about the future. That's true, because they obviously believe they're going to start getting running water in time to wash that purple die off their fingers.

Staying the Course
President Bush says pulling out of Iraq now would send a message to the world that America abandons its friends. Whereas staying in Iraq and re-electing Bush to office last year sends the much better message that we like to stick with our failures.

Staying the Course II
President Bush keeps reminding Americans that we must "stay the course." Of course to his biggest Republican backers, "staying the course" means playing another nine holes before lunch.

Cheney's Visit
Vice President Dick Cheney made a surprise visit to Iraq Sunday. Really, isn't our troops' morale low enough already?

Cheney's Visit II
Vice President Dick Cheney made a surprise visit to Iraq Sunday. Although it wasn't clear if he was there to check on our troops or his holdings in Halliburton.

Bolivian Election
Evo Morales, the man who describes himself as "Washington's Nightmare," is leading in the Bolivian presidential elections. Usually, the only way a Bolivian can become a nightmare to people in the U.S. is if he demands more than minimum wage.

Tiki's Big Day
N.Y. Giants running back Tiki Barber ran for a team record 220 yards in the team's 27-17 win on Saturday. Barber's huge ground gains are serving as inspiration to millions of New Yorkers who will have to walk to work this week if there's a transit strike.

Tsunami Recovery
Asian women who lost children in the Tsunami last year are rushing to conceive again in hopes of replacing a "lost generation"... so THAT's why President Clinton is still making all those trips over there!


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