Paris Not Scared
Paris Hilton insists she's not stressed after police found cocaine in her purse. She told the newsmedia she's not worried because the cops didn't find the 3 kilos in her other purse!



Poor America
One in six Americans are now receiving some kind of anti-poverty assistance. Luckily, the rest of America is too busy finishing their fantasy football drafts to apply for welfare.



Tattoo Danger
A new study shows people with tattoos are three times more likely to die of liver disease... so the rest of us have that to look forward too.



Katrina Pledge
President Obama has vowed to keep helping Hurricane Katrina victims until they recover or he can't get away with continuing to blame President Bush... whichever comes first.



Unions Blast Newspaper
Teachers unions are blasting the L.A. Times for publishing teacher effectiveness rankings. They say the Times didn't consider other important factors, like the fact that their dogs ate their homework.





August 30th

1574: Guru Ram Das became the Fourth Sikh Guru/Master. But he still gets stuffed in his locker by the big kids in high school the next day.

1791: The HMS Pandora sinks after running aground, severely disappointing passengers who had lined up for the midnight buffet.

1963: The Hotline between U.S. and the Soviet Union goes into operation... pranksters in the White House immediately call the Russians to warn them that their “refrigerator is running.”