Friday, November 20, 2009

Kennedy Barred
Rhode Island's top Roman Catholic leader has asked Rep. Patrick Kennedy to stop taking Communion... not because of Kennedy's support for abortion rights, but because he keeps hogging all the wine.

Dimon for Treasury?
Support is growing for JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon to take over as Secretary of the Treasury. The only trouble is that if Dimon goes to the government, there will be no one left in America earning any money.

Unqualified to Serve
The latest Army statistics show a stunning 75% of military-age youth are ineligible to join the military because they're overweight, can't pass entrance exams, have dropped out of high school or had run-ins with the law. Luckily, all of those people are very qualified for jobs in Congress.

Scared Money
A new report shows that investors are remaining cautious despite the recent run-up in stocks. Experts say Americans are scared by job losses, bank failures and everything they saw on last nights American Music Awards.

Debt Balloons
Experts say the ultralow interest rates the U.S. has been paying on its colossal debt may not last much longer. To avoid debt collectors and repo men, the government is parking all of its aircraft carriers at a friend's house.

November 23rd

1889: The first jukebox goes into operation at the Palais Royale Saloon in San Francisco. It is destroyed by angry mob five hours later when it won't stop playing Frere Jacques.

1946: The Workers Party of South Korea is founded. The Call in Sick Party of South Korea remains more popular.

1963: The BBC broadcasts the first ever episode of Doctor Who, helping the world identify geeks a full two years before Star Trek.


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