Thursday, October 21, 2010

Ford Air Bags
Ford is going to put airbags in the back seats of its cars. GM is trying to test a competing system, but the UAW has organized all the crash dummies.

Williams Fired
NPR has fired Juan Williams for saying Muslim people on airplanes make him nervous. Williams forgot the part of his NPR contract that specified that white liberals only hire black journalists to make white people nervous.

French Riot Response
In light of continuing riots in France, President Sarkozy is vowing to punish the "troublemakers"... mostly be making them drink poorly aged Chardonay.

Guccione Dies
Penthouse founder Bob Guccione has died at 79. Plans for his funeral have been canceled since everyone can now see his burial for free on the Internet.

Gaga Cancels
Lady Gaga has canceled her concerts in Paris because of the continued rioting there. As a result, decent music lovers are now starting riots in major cities across the world.

October 21st

1512: Martin Luther joins the theological faculty of the University of Wittenberg… and immediately schedules a midterm on Saint Patrick’s Day.

1945: Argentine military officer and politician Juan Perón marries Eva Duarte. The suddenly can’t stop singing or dancing.

1973: Fred Dryer of the Los Angeles Rams becomes the first player in NFL history to score two safeties in the same game. Sadly, this comes 10 years before the release of the hit tune “Safety Dance” which would have been the perfect song to play over the stadium P.A.


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