Monday, June 07, 2010

Obama's Claims
President Obama is taking credit for the partial capping of the BP oil well, saying "we contained it," when the work has actually been done by BP. Although the White House has offered to plug the hole with the body of Helen Thomas.

Bernanke's Soothing Words
Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke says there's no reason to believe the world will go back into recession. Apparently, Bernanke is trying out for Baghdad Bob's old job.

Murder Confession
Joran Van der Sloot has now admitted to killing a woman in Peru. Shares of Greta van Susteren and Nancy Grace are soaring in pre-market trading.

Doctor Torture?
The Red Cross is accusing some doctors of helping the Bush Administration torture some terror suspects... mostly by making the suspects wait 45 minutes and then fill out insurance forms before every interrogation session.

McDonalds Numbers
McDonalds sales were up 3.4% in May... which means Mayor McCheese is the only politician in the world with a successful stimulus plan.

June 8th

1789: James Madison introduces 12 proposed amendments to the United States Constitution in the United States House of Representatives; 10 of them are ratified by the state legislatures and become the Bill of Rights. The other two are used for toilet paper, because this was the 18th century after all.

1953: The Supreme Court rules that Washington, D.C. restaurants could not refuse to serve food to black patrons. Sadly, all of Washington's restaurants continue to refrain from serving decent food to white and black patrons.

1984: Homosexuality is declared legal in Australia. Heterosexuality remains illegal there.


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