Wednesday, December 30, 2009

New Year's Eve NYC
It's New Year's Eve, and that means millions of people will be jammed into a small area of New York City tonight. They will be cold. They won't be able to use the bathroom. It will be dangerous... but enough about La Guardia Airport.

Starting 2010
Hundreds of millions of people will tune in to ABC to watch the New Year's Eve special. Some will be watching to see the ball drop, but most just want to find out if Dick Clark lives to see another year.

Rush in Hospital
Rush Limbaugh has been taken to a Hawaii hospital with chest pains. If he dies, he's still expected to get better ratings than Air America for the next 15 years.

Cops and Tiger
The Florida Highway Patrol now says it did meet with Tiger Woods five days after his Thanksgiving Day crash outside his home. The five cops who met with Woods questioned him about the incident, checked his license, and then vigorously washed their hands for 2-3 hours.

Intel Breakdown
The National Security Agency intercepted discussions of a plot by leaders of Al Qaeda in Yemen, but reports show that spy agencies did not collate the intercepts with other information. They also did not staple the reports, nor use the proper color-coded filing system.

December 31st

406: The Vandals cross the Rhine, beginning an invasion of Gaul... which is amazing, since they were only armed with spray paint and silly string.

1904: The first New Year's Eve celebration is held in New York's Times Square, making the spot home to scumbags from all over the world forevermore.

1951: The Marshall Plan expires after distributing more than $13.3 billion in foreign aid to rebuild Europe. Today, $13.3 billion isn't even enough to tide GM over for a weekend.

1963: The Central African Federation officially collapses and splits into Zambia, Malawi, Rhodesia and Kool and the Gang.


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