Monday, August 15, 2011

Obama's Urgent Plan
President Obama says he has a new plan to create jobs in America and that Republicans in Congress must vote for his plan or face the dire consequences of making Americans wait for jobs. And the President will unveil his urgent plan... as soon as he gets back from vacation on Martha's Vineyard.

Obama Bus Tour
The cost of President Obama's campaign-style bus tour of the Midwest is $7 million, and entirely paid for by the taxpayers. But the taxpayers says they would be willing to pay $7 billion for the trip as long as he never comes back.

Tea Party Fight
President Obama and a Tea Party leader in Iowa got into a heated discussion yesterday about Vice President Biden. The Tea Party leader said that Biden is a stupid jerk, while President Obama insisted he was just a putz.

Perry's Promise
Rick Perry says if Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke prints more money, it's "treasonous!"
Unless Ben prints money with the faces of all his favorite Texas A&M football players on them.

California Cell Fines
The new fine for talking on a cell phone in your car in California is $328. The state figures if you can still actually afford a car AND a cell phone in California, you MUST be rich!

August 16th

1812: American General William Hull surrenders Fort Detroit without a fight to the British Army. Unfortunately, the British notice that taking control of Detroit is a trap and they just run away.

1858: President James Buchanan inaugurates the new transatlantic telegraph cable by exchanging greetings with Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom. But the conversation heads south when Buchanan asks her what she was wearing and whether he could sext her later.

1972: In an unsuccessful coup d'état attempt, the Royal Moroccan Air Force fires upon Hassan II of Morocco's plane while he is traveling back to Rabat. They do succeed in snagging a few packets of free peanuts and some “lost luggage.”


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