Thursday, April 26, 2007

Senate Bill
The House and Senate have passed an Iraq war funding bill that calls for U.S. troops to begin withdrawing by next March. It's the most irresponsible thing Congress has done since it reinstated Patrick Kennedy's parking pass.

Critics say the Iraq withdrawal bill is all part of the Democrats' "defeatist strategy"... although it's not as big a part of it as nominating John Kerry for president in 2004.

Spector Defense
Defense lawyers in Phil Spector's murder trial say police ignored evidence in the case. Gee, I don't know what it is about Phil that could have distracted them.

Colombia Blackout
A nationwide blackout has crippled the entire nation Colombia, with only 20% of the country's power restored. The news has sent wholesale cocaine prices soaring to $40,000 per kilo this afternoon in the trading pits on 177th St.

Kids at Work
Thousands of boys and girls swarmed office buildings Thursday as they took part in "Take our Children to Work Day" across the country. Participation in the event is growing, but it's still not as big as the NBA's "Take our Illegitimate Children to Work Day."

Strong Stuff
The U.S. government says the marijuana now being sold across the U.S. is stronger than ever before... which explains the growing number of marijuana-related medical emergencies, and the record profits at Taco Bell.

Olmert Accused
Israel's state comptroller called for Ehud Olmert to be investigated for allegedly offering political jobs to his friends. It's a shocking story to most experts who didn 't know Olmert had any friends.

Hagel's Statement
U.S. Sen. Chuck Hagel told an Arab American audience that his support for Israel was not "automatic" … so if he's lucky, Hagel might just get a local anaesthetic before they behead him.


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