Monday, April 09, 2007

Office Shooting
Police say a gunman shot three people at an office building just outside of Detroit, Michigan Monday morning. This is an especially sad story, since the victims were the last three people in Michigan who still had a job.

Anti-American Protest
Thousands of anti-U.S. protesters marched in Najaf, Iraq Monday. Most of the demonstrators were bused in from Berkeley over the weekend.

Top 5 Things Overheard at the Anti-American Rally in Najaf

5) "Hey, weren't you in my English Lit. class at Yale last year?"

4) "The marcher who shouts the loudest gets the Michael Moore movie of his choice!"

3) "Actually, I love America, it's just nice to take a break from suicide car bombing once in a while."

2) "Psst... when the TV cameras are gone, we can start chanting 'Death to the Jews' again!"

1) "Protest? Oh, I thought this was the line for clean water."

British Change of Heart
Britain’s defense secretary has abruptly reversed a decision to allow some of the sailors and marines captured by Iran to sell their stories to the media. The decision is breaking the hearts of French servicemen all over the world who were hoping to use the reports as a textbook for their basic surrender training.

Snowed Out
All three Indians-Mariners games this weekend were canceled due to heavy snow in Cleveland. This could pose serious problems in the coming weeks for the Indians, since that snow probably won't melt until June.

Imus Protest
About 50 African-Americans marched Monday outside Chicago's NBC tower to protest Don Imus' racially insensitive comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team. They were joined by about 500 White demonstrators protesting the fact that Imus hasn't been funny since 1981.

North Korea Demand
North Korea says it will immediately invite U.N. nuclear inspectors into the country if $25 million in disputed North Korean funds is released... or if the U.N. inspectors promise to bring them some toilet paper... whichever's easiest.

Baghdad Anniversary
Monday marked the 4th anniversary of the fall of Baghdad... and the 3rd anniversary of the media's decision to pretend this was a bad thing.

Long Cab Ride
A New York City cab driver is driving a Queens couple in his cab over 2500 miles from New York to Arizona this week. It's not a bad gig, but it's going to be a bitch getting a return fare.

Naomi's Beau
It was reported that Naomi Campbell is dating 300 star Gerard Butler. Well, at least we know he can defend himself.

Disgusting Dentist
A British dentist was found guilty Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears. Wait... they actually have dentists in Britain?

Amazon Swimmer
A 52 year-old Slovenian man has successfully completed a 3,300 mile swim down the Amazon River, despite suffering from dizziness, vertigo, high blood-pressure, diarrhea, nausea and delirium... and that was just from the water he drank at the hotel.

Piracy Complaint
The U.S. says it will file two trade complaints against China over piracy of American movies. But China is filing a counter-complaint over the indignity of having to copy movies like "Grindhouse."


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