Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Starbucks Music
Starbucks has teamed with Concord Music Group and will start selling music on its own record label. Copying its winning business plan for coffee sales, Starbucks plans on selling songs for $5 apiece, even though you can get the same music on iTunes for 99 cents.

Jolie Adoption
Angelina Jolie arrived in Vietnam on Wednesday where she is expected to adopt a 3 year-old boy. This is the same 3 year-old boy that Jennifer Aniston was preparing to adopt before Jolie butted in.

Gays in the Military
The number of homosexuals discharged from the military under the "don't ask, don't tell" policy dropped significantly in 2006, leading critics to charge that the military is retaining gay men and lesbians because it needs them in a time of war. Well, it's either that or the army really needs people to help redecorate the Pentagon.

French Gay Marriage
France's highest court annulled the country's only same-sex marriage this week, ruling that "under French law, marriage is a union between a man and a woman... and his mistress, her mistress, the maid, the pool boy, and a dog named 'Fifi."

Star Wars Fan Films
Lucasfilm has announced a deal to show Star Wars related films made by fans on Spike TV. Film critics say whatever the fans come up with, they couldn't be any worse than the last three Star Wars films released in the theaters.

Iraq Vote
The Senate voted 89 to 9 Wednesday to begin its first formal debate on the Iraq war since Democrats took control of Congress in January. So it's taken two months for the Democrats to even agree to argue about Iraq... I guess that's the fast-action the American voters were hoping for back in November!

Whitney Comeback
Whitney Houston has started work on her comeback album... but calls to tap the nation's strategic cocaine reserve are being rejected by the White House.

Population Explosion
A new report says the world's population will likely reach 9.2 billion by 2050. Experts are concerned because they say such population growth will deplete food supplies, spread disease, and contribute to even more glitches in the telephone voting for American Idol.

Iranian Deadbeats
The Russian company helping to build Iran's nuclear power program says that the opening of the nation's first reactor will be postponed because of Iranian payment delays. But Iran's government argues that since it plans to use the nuclear program to destroy the world, why bother paying for it?

O.J. Residuals
Lawyers for Ron Goldman's family are trying to get residuals from O.J. Simpson's films to go toward the $38 million he owes them the wrongful death judgement against him. But legal experts say most of those residuals are owed to the people who saw O.J. Simpson's films and have won the legal right to get their money back.

Libby Poll
A new poll shows that more than two-thirds of Americans say Scooter Libby does not deserve a presidential pardon, even though they think he was a "fall guy" for Vice President Cheney. In a separate poll, two-thirds of Americans admitted they have no idea what they're talking about.

Gore Fest
Al Gore wants to stage "Live Earth," a global-warming concert, on the Capitol grounds, featuring Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Police, Kanye West, Genesis, Faith Hill, and Kelly Clarkson. Oh great, Gore has already ruined the movies; now he's trying to destroy music too?

Sunshine Week
Congressional Democrats launched "Sunshine Week" on Wednesday, with bills to increase public access to government activities and protect whistle-blowers. But the resolution ended up confusing Senator Ted Kennedy, who thought it was an excuse to walk around his office in the nude.


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