Thursday, March 29, 2007

Iraq Vote
By a 50-48 vote, the Senate has approved a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq. But by a 98-0 vote, the Senators rejected a proposed timetable for withdrawing from their interns.

The Boss' Daughter
George Steinbrenner's daughter is getting a divorce. The list of possible new husbands she's reportedly considering includes Don Mattingly, Joe Girardi and Yogi Berra,

Versace Anorexia
Fashion queen Donatella Versace's daughter Allegra is suffering from anorexia... apparently a result of what she learned from "take your daughter to work day."

Versace Anorexia II
Fashion queen Donatella Versace's daughter Allegra is suffering from anorexia... saddening her mother who says she brought her daughter up to be anorexic AND a heroin addict.

Gonzales Hearing
Former top aide to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Kyle Sampson, says none of the U.S. Attorneys fired by the Justice Department were sacked "for an improper reason." Too bad Sampson forgot that you're never allowed to fire a federal employee for any reason.

Sex Patch
A new patch that helps boost a woman's sex drive has been approved in Europe, but not in the U.S. That's because in America, men shower.

Iran Protests
Angry Iranians took to the streets of Tehran today to protest against the British sailors seized by Iran this weekend. Apparently, average citizens are furious that the prisoners are getting special privileges most Iranians never get, like food, water, and a bed.

GOP Polls
Despite general discontent over the war in Iraq, every poll shows the leading Republican candidates are all ahead of Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards. This is confounding experts who can't understand why more Americans aren't willing to support a liar, a novice, and a guy we should like just because his wife has cancer.

Ethanol Demand
Demand for ethanol has raised corn prices drastically. It's getting so bad, cows are begging for handouts at my local Exxon station.

Coach Slurs
After calling Jews "crafty" and saying that Jews "are really running this country," former NBA star Michael Ray Richardson has been suspended from his job as a minor league basketball coach. But Richardson was immediately hired by the political science department at Harvard University.


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