Monday, May 01, 2006

Immigrant Protests
Thousands of illegal immigrants across the country took part in demonstrations Monday to show the country what a day without any immigrants working would be like. Apparently it's just like everyday in the Bush administration.

Immigrant Protests II
Thousands of illegal immigrants across the country boycotted work Monday to show the country what a day without immigrants would be like. Instead, most of them spent the day in line at the welfare office.

Top 5 Results of Monday's "Day Without Immigrants"

5) Charo now leads Arnold Schwarzenegger in most public opinion polls

4) No Major League team could find a decent utility infielder

3) Lou Dobbs got very, very tired

2) The Spanish-speaking Muppets on Sesame Street got deported

1) Members of Congress rushed back to work to pass comprehensive immigration legislation... just kidding!

Box Office Results
The #1 movie at the box office this weekend was "RV," starring Robin Williams, followed by "United 93." Of course, everyone who saw "RV" would have been better off if they had been passengers on United 93.

Mexican Drug Laws
Mexico has passed a new law legalizing possession of small quantities of heroin, marijuana, and cocaine. After hearing the news, millions of illegal immigrants started returning to Mexico.

Anna Nicole Ruling
The Supreme Court ruled Monday that Anna Nicole Smith can sue to get part of her late husband's $1.6 billion estate. Mostly because Clarence Thomas wants to see what she'll wear to all those new court hearings.

Limbaugh Deal
As part of his prescription drug fraud plea agreement, Rush Limbaugh must take random urine tests for the next 18 months. That shouldn't be too inconvenient for Limbaugh, he leaves random fecal samples on the airwaves every day.

Rosie on the View
Rosie O'Donnell will replace Meredith Viera on the View in September. She's being given a lucrative deal that includes a $2 million salary and all the food Star Jones used to eat.


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