Thursday, April 06, 2006

NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Here's the link: Newsday

Libby Fingers Bush
New documents now show that Scooter Libby testified that it was President Bush himself who authorized the release of classified reports on Iraq. This is disappointing prosecutors, who were hoping Libby would finger someone in White House who actually has power.

Scroll of Judas
An ancient scroll that tells the story of Jesus from the point of view of Judas, has been found in Egypt. In the text, Judas claims he only betrayed Jesus after he was authorized to do so by Vice President Cheney.

Eminem Divorce
Just 3 months after remarrying, Eminem and his wife Kim are getting divorced again. Apparently, Eminem just needed to stay married long enough to come up with some new misogynist lyrics.

Top 5 Things Overheard at Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's "Black Hebrews" Passover Seder

5) "Why is this night different from all other nights? Daddy's not in jail!"

4) "... and then the wicked Pharaoh canceled the Israelites' reality show."

3) "This matzo would get stuck in my teeth... if I had any teeth."

2) "The ten plagues were: assault, battery, possession..."

1) "Hey, this is no dumber than Demi and Ashton's Kabalah Seder!"

Immigration Deal
Senate Republicans and Democrats have reached a compromise on a new illegal immigration biil. The measure promises to secure our borders, grant limited amnesty, and the only person who will be deported is Lou Dobbs.

Giuliani's Memories
At the Zacarias Moussaoui trial Thursday, former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani recalled the horror of 9/11. He got particularly emotional when he remembered how the attacks made him a national hero and media sensation.

Saints Schedule
The NFL has released the 2006 schedule, and the New Orleans Saints will host their first game back at the Superdome in week 3. The decision is angering many New Orleans fans, because usually the Saints season is already over by week 3.


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