Monday, March 20, 2006

Rumsfeld Analogy
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld says leaving Iraq now would be like turning Germany back over to the Nazis at the end of World War II. Of course, we really did turn a country back over to the Nazis at the end of World War II... but that country was France.

Top 5 Real Reasons Frank Quattrone's Conviction was Overturned

5) The court made egregious legal errors; like spelling Quattrone's name with only one "t"

4) Prosecutors abused their power by calling the defendant "guilty"

3) The White House is going to need Quattrone's evidence shredding expertise REAL soon

2) The jury was given improper instructions... about where they could get a decent sandwich near the courthouse for lunch

1) Rich people in America are innocent until they are no longer rich

Bush Touts Iraq
President Bush spoke about progress in Iraq at the City Club of Cleveland Monday... because if there's anyone in America who will look at Iraq today and still think it's going well, it's people who live in Cleveland.

Stalker Convicted
A homeless man has been convicted of stalking MSNBC reporter/anchor Monica Crowley. The conviction puts a dangerous man in jail, but also cuts MSNBC's viewership in half.

Wal-Mart in China
Wal-Mart says it plans to open about 60 new stores and hire 150,000 employees in China over the next five years. Shiploads of Americans hoping to illegally sneak into the country and get those jobs are already headed to Shanghai.

Pentagon's Oil Bills
Pentagon officials are now openly complaining about the high cost of fuel. Considering all the wars they've started for the oil companies, you'd think they'd at least get the employee discount.

Brangelina No-Show
Even though they were no-shows this weekend, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may still go to Lake Como, Italy for a secret wedding ceremony. Pitt and Jolie believe the site is perfect because Italy is well-known as the best place to avoid the paparazzi.

Anniversary Coverage
This is the third anniversary of the U.S. invasion of Iraq... and by the time the TV news networks finish marking the third anniversary it will be the fourth anniversary.


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