Sunday, January 15, 2006

Long Day
I just spent seven straight hours watching the NFL playoffs on TV. I'm not sure if the best teams won, but I am sure that I need to buy a case of beer, three pizzas and a bottle of Levitra right now!

Iran's Holocaust Conference
Iran has just announced plans to host an international Holocaust conference. The official title for the forum will be "The Good Old Days."

Iran's Holocaust Conference II
The president of Iran is actually inviting some Israeli scholars to his planned Holocaust forum... and he's sending some cattle cars to pick them up right now.

Top 5 things Overheard at the Iranian Holocaust Conference

5) "Killing six million Jews was a great idea, but it never really happened"

4) "I'm not sure if 'Munich' is anti-Israel, but I sure thought it was too damn long."

3) "The Nazis killed a lot of Jews, but thankfully they still left plenty for us to murder too"

2) "I'm really not sure anymore; is Pat Robertson on our side or not?"

1) "This sure beats getting trampled at the Haj"

Pakistani Protests
Pakistan is protesting after a CIA air-strike on Aymin al-Zawahiri's hideout failed to hit the al Qaeda chieftain and ended up killing some civilians instead. Well, at least we targeted the right country this time; I mean, we invaded Iraq because of 9/11 and Osama bin Laden had never even been there!

Capsule Lands in Utah
NASA scientists were elated after a space capsule bearing comet and star dust made a safe landing in Utah Sunday. Imagine how excited they'll be when the capsule actually returns to Earth.

New President in Chile
Michelle Bachelet, a Socialist leader, has become the first woman to be elected president of Chile. The big question now is not if all the Chilean people will accept here, but how long it will take Pat Robertson to call for her assassination.

Remembering Shelly Winters
Two-time Oscar-winning actress Shelly Winters died this weekend. Winters donated her first Oscar to the Anne Frank museum in Amsterdam, and the second one she ate.

Incompetent Clerks
Three employees at the University of South Florida have been fired after $275,000 in expired uncashed checks were found just lying around their administrative offices. It's an incident like this that makes it clear why the school's football players only accept cash.


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